He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
