I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
