This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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