Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
