I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
