Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
