I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize