You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
