I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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