her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
