WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
