After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
