Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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