The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
