I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
