Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
