remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
