Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
