false alarm. still invincible.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He better not be in your backpack
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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