Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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