I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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