i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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