just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
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i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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