My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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