turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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