I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
