And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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