JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
