My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
