The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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