if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
as a side note pls kill me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
