i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dicks are not precious.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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