Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
