Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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