I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
