She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
