we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
