Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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