You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize