Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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