I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I will die if light touches me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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