The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
