well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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