Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
