Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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