did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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