Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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