After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
third nipple confirmed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
