he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
