i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
