Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
