what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
