That's intense
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The power of my boobs compel you
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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