she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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