I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
