I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
