did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
