I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
