How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
