My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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