wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
